Most abuse is done behind closed doors...

It seems like every other day there is a story in the news concerning people in abusive relationships.

One common thread that can be found in these stories is the abused person having been abused for quite some time. Often the abused will continue to return to the abuser time and time again.

In May there was a story that came out of India concerning a 25 year old woman who had been being abused for several years in her relationship with her boyfriend. She finally had come up with enough inner strength to notify authorities, and her abusive boyfriend was jailed. This may seem like a small story, but in most parts of India, the women have no voice. They are the lesser of the sexes and often treated as property.

This story deserves attention because in the United States most abuse is done behind closed doors. It is a cultural taboo for men to abuse women in public, and so often these situations go largely unreported and unnoticed. In this way the abused is much like the woman in India; a person without a voice.

Because there is a misunderstanding of love in our culture, woman often get themselves into situations they should not be in. Many women are just looking to “feel” loved. It becomes about a state of feeling instead of state of reality.

In reality, love should be about a commitment to stand by a person. In the U.S. the divorce rate hovers around 50%. While some situations cannot be changed, this number implies that there is also a misunderstanding of what love and commitment should look like.

In reality, there should be an element of patience and kindness that surpasses the situations that people find themselves in, in their daily life. The general population is currently dealing with a tanking economy, the stress of potential job loss, and questions about the future. The stress that this can create in individual lives as well as relational situations can push people to the breaking point. These situations require both parties to be looking outside of themselves and into the hearts of others.

In reality, love should always put the other person first. In abusive relationships (of any kind), this is not at all what happens. Abuse often stems from a selfish point-of-view. It rarely considers the thoughts or feelings of the one who is being abused.

This analysis can be taken farther, and put in to practice outside of romantic relationships. Each person should take time to examine ALL of the different types of relationships in their lives and ask two questions: Am I truly loved? Do I truly love? It is when those two questions are answered that the path to healthy relationships can be trod upon.

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